“I met my husband through my best friend who saw him working at a pharmacy. She went up to him and told him she had a homegirl he should meet. While he’s handsome and smart, he was nothing like the men I was used to dating. If I had been insistent on finding a reformed street guy, I would’ve never even looked his way. If I had been adamant that I would meet my husband on my own — at a bar or while walking down the street – I would’ve never even gone on our first date. Trying something new is what got me down the aisle.”— Wendy Danner, Atlanta
After being in a relationship Jason*, I decided I needed someone who had a “good job.”
My time with Marcus informed me that having a good job wasn’t enough. My person would need to be fiercely passionate about his career.
But Jason also helped me appreciate a man with humor. And Marcus taught me to love a man who is amazing at planning dates. Sprinkle in liking Nate, dating Mike and being in a situationship with Kevin— and I wound up seeking a sign-compatible partner, deciding I could never again deal with an untidy dude, and wanting a tall, tatted family man with a strong jawline and intense eyes.
What in the Frankenstein-partner-creation was I thinking?!
The more you date, the more you chisel a sculpture of your dream person. Contrast serves a purpose, but when we believe we know exactly who will serve our highest and greatest needs — we miss the other amazing people who show up in our lives.
I realized that instead of focusing on who I wanted, I would become more intentional about what I sought to have.